Wednesday, October 23, 2013

iExamen 2

In One Ear and Not Out the Other
Making sure my words were always “kind, useful, and true” was even more difficult than I had expected. I like to think of myself as kind person, I like to think of myself as helpful, and I also I like to think of myself as honest; however, I may be giving myself a little too much credit. As I read the poems by Dickinson I started to reflect more on my words, and in turn, my life. Do I tell the truth, but in a nice way? Do I slant it so that my words are kind and are not harmful? Will I pass by my life events with Death or will I remember and appreciate every moment? Will I appreciate my successes? Will I focus enough on the little thing or will I focus too much on the little things? Simply by reading her four short poems I was enveloped in thought for a good twenty minutes. And after reading Hemingway’s story I started to think even more. I was curious as to if I was a Macomber, a Margot, or a Wilson. (I’ve decided Macomber, however I will work on not getting shot down after I stand up for myself.)  Both writers have made me think a lot, and fitting with the iExamen I have learned a bit more about myself and my words.
Dickinson’s poems are all a bit morbid, but they do hold much truth to them. When I was completing the iExamen I found it very hard to watch my words. I was pretty good at keeping at least one of the requirements in my speech, but I did slip…..a lot. I am a very sarcastic person, so being kind isn’t my specialty, at least not all the time. Like in her “Tell all the truth but tell it in slant-“, I could do better at telling the truth “in slant” rather than sarcasm. I feel as though telling in slant is much kinder, and supportive. Also, as I analyzed my speech I analyzed other people’s as well. I found myself focusing too much on other peoples words, while assuming they would just brush mine off.  “I heard a Fly buzz- when I died” focuses on the fly while she is dying, a time when a fly really should not be relevant. I find myself focusing on flies as well, at bad times. And I see now that maybe people focus on my “fly-words” and I don’t like that. I want my words to be appreciated, but I don’t want them to be harped on, and also I don’t want to focus too much on other people’s words and opinions if they are irrelevant. I do not want to be the people in “Success is Counted Sweetest-“ I want to appreciate what I have, always. After reading the poem though, I see that I could be like both types of people. I take for granted my words and actions and their impacts like the successful and like the unsuccessful I see other people’s words and actions and see their total worth. I want to be appreciative always. Finally, “Because I could not stop for Death-“. I noticed while doing the iExamen that I say a lot of useless crap. My words are sometimes gibberish, totally irrelevant, and unnecessary. I do not want to continue being like that. I want everything I say to have meaning, I do not want to ride a long with death and see the fool I made of myself, or the lack of meaning my life and words had. I want ot make my words count, I don’t want them and my days to simply pass by.
Francis Macomber gets shot down figuratively and literally many times. I am Francis Macomber. However, I do not want to be. While examining my words today I not only realized how much I say but also how much I don’t say. There are times where I will not stand up for myself because of fear, even if I believe what I think is right. If I don’t start watching and believing in my words I could get myself into some tough situations. Hopefully I won’t get shot, but still there is a chance that negative things could happen to me, or not even negative things, but I could miss out on good things if I don’t choose my words and stand by them.
I think what I learned most from iExamen was that I need to pick my words more carefully. I need to stop saying such useless comments, and I need to start making my words count. I also need to stand up for my beliefs and myself. I need to refine my speech so that I can communicate effectively my thoughts and so that everyone can benefit from what I am saying. I want to be memorable, and one of the best ways to do that is to speak with words that are kind, useful, and true.

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